How Can I Develop Self-Confidence And Self-Esteem?
Developing self-confidence and self-esteem is an important journey that can positively impact many aspects of your life. Here are some tips to help you along the way:
Practice self-care: Taking care of your physical and mental well-being can boost your confidence. This includes getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
Set realistic goals: Accomplishing small goals can build your confidence over time. Start with achievable tasks and gradually work your way up to more challenging ones.
Embrace your strengths: Focus on your strengths and accomplishments rather than dwelling on your perceived shortcomings. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem.
Challenge negative thoughts: Pay attention to your inner dialogue and try to reframe negative thoughts into more positive and empowering ones. Self-compassion is important in this process.
Surround yourself with positivity: Seek out supportive and encouraging people who uplift you and believe in your abilities. Limit your exposure to negative influences.
Practice assertiveness: Learning to express your thoughts and feelings in a respectful and confident manner can help you build self-esteem.
Seek professional help if needed: If low self-confidence is significantly impacting your daily life, consider reaching out to a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and support.
Understanding Confidence Base
Remember that building self-confidence and self-esteem takes time and effort, but the journey is worth it. Be patient and kind to yourself as you work towards a more positive self-image.
I am sorry you feel this way, I’ve had similar issues with myself. Not exactly the same but I have felt I was good for nothing. It sucks. However, I think you are approaching this the wrong way. You might not like my way, that’s fine, but here it is. I know people who have all the things you mentioned and are not confident. I know people who have none of those things, but still have confidence.
Confidence Does not Lie in Achievements
Confidence does not lie in achievements, looks or skills. Not real confidence
There is a difference between;
1) confidence with a qualifier, e.g., I’m confident in my looks, I’m confident in my intelligence…etc; and
2) overall confidence in one’s self, i.e. I’m confident in me.
The former is specific to achievements, looks or skills that come naturally or through work. You can grow to feel confident in them, sure. But if that is all you do, you might only be confident as long as those things hold up. In this case your confidence is tied to that thing only, not to you. That’s not sustainable.
The latter is a more fundamental feeling of self-trust: no matter what life throws at you, you can handle it – kind of feeling. And contrary to most answers here, I think overall confidence is not simply the summation of qualified confidences. You might be the most beautiful person in the world AND smart, but that doesn’t mean you will be confident in your self. I think enough premature celebrity suicides have shown us that. It has to come from another place.
The reverse, however, is true. By building your overall confidence, it will overflow and boost confidence in other areas. It’s kind of like saying, “I don’t know how to fish, but I trust myself to figure it out.” Or, “I don’t know if that woman is going to accept my date offer but I’ll survive if she doesn’t.”
Confident people aren’t more sure about a positive result, they are just not as afraid of failure. This is because their sense of self isn’t tied to achievements, skills, or looks. Which leads me to my next point.
Integrity as Cornerstone of Esteem and Confidence
In my personal experience, integrity has been the main driver of real confidence. Integrity embodies compassion, generosity of spirit, honesty, reciprocal actions. It means treating people kindly, helping others, thinking about the world around you.
You can put yourself through almost anything as long as at the end of the day, you can say: I did the right thing and in so doing, I did right by others.
This is how you start to get confidence in yourself, practice integrity. It doesn’t mean you won’t have self-doubt, or that you won’t fail, or that others won’t disagree. It will take a while to get there. But you will get through it if you believe in your integrity, and thus yourself.
If you have nothing else, have that. If you do, you’re already better than most.
Self-Esteem Seed of Character
First of all , the fact that you base your self esteem on transient things like beauty , people’s opinions and success is concerning. Self esteem should be built from the inside and needs to be as hard as a rock unyielding to the change outside. In my opinion , self esteem is the seed of your character and your life. If that is not solid enough , you are in for a ride. I will tell you that life will take you through a roller costar of successes and failures , good and bad times. People will come and go , but the only thing that will help you throughout is your self confidence and self esteem.
The above suggestion is an ideal approach and is not easy enough for a beginner . So let’s start with some practical tricks
Stop Introspecting A Lot
As much as good introspection is , too much of it is bad as well . When you see yourself under microscope , you tend to notice the small imperfections more than the bigger picture. We always tend to notice the small black dot on a plain white paper. That’s the way our brains are hardwired. Stop thinking about yourself , your life and your feelings. Be busy enough that you don’t have time for this. Do almost everything you like to do. Join a gym , music class , dancing class , go for treks , write , read … basically as much as you need to keep yourself away from introspection. Limit the introspection to an hour or so per week.
Quoting joker here
“I’m like a dog chasing cars, I wouldn’t know what to do if I caught one, you know, I’d just do…things.”
So just doo stuff.
Accept Your Shortcomings
Let’s admit first that nobody is perfect in this world. We all have our virtues and vices. List down your vices and accept them. Choose your interests and environment that complement your virtues. For example , I am a logical person and lack people skills. I make an awesome engineer but a very bad sales person. A tiger cannot fly and a fish cannot run. Know what you value most and ignore the rest. I don’t care if somebody sells a thousand cars or if somebody makes a great presentation. “Presentation , My foot”. I hate fancy stuff . See !!!
Make Small Wins
Our brains are addicted to success but it doesn’t mind the size . Try setting very small , practical , short term goals and achieve them. These small successes are very much essential for boosting our self confidence. They keep our spirits up for achieving those long term goals. I have this concept of one day goals , 2 hour goals etc and I reward myself when I achieve them . These small successes feed back into my self esteem cycle. Building and maintaining self esteem is a continuous process.
Build your Options
Your self esteem is also indirectly based on your ability to choose from a range of options . When you have a lot to choose from , you don’t have much to fear about losing one. But when your options are limited , you fear losing them and fear is the main enemy of self esteem. Be it your job , social life or even food . Make sure you always have a lot of options. If you don’t have options , see what you can to improve your range of options.
Life is Overrated
Another important thing is that “Life is overrated”. People are going to tell you that “Life is short” , ” You gotta do this , do that “, productivity , leadership and all other bull shit . Believe me , life and happiness is overrated . They are always gonna tell you that you are incomplete and “need more” . Do not fall for that. You be what you are. Life is all about living not “endlessly pursuing”. The media is badly screwed up. Media’s money comes from advertisements and the companies want you to “need stuff”. Their business in in your “insufficiency”.
This might be contradicting but the real essence of self esteem is in understanding the transient nature of life and accepting yourself.
” You are not your job .
You are not how much money you have in the bank. And
You are not the car you drive.
You are not your fucking khakis. Yeah
You are the all singing , all dancing crap of the world”
Fake it Till you Make it
Amazingly, if you act confident, you instill confidence in those around you. As they treat you as a confident person, it provides positive feedback that makes you feel more confident. It’s a virtuous cycle.
Same thing with leadership: Act like a leader and people start to treat you as a leader. Try it. In a group where you are not known, start taking the lead in conversation. Watch how the group dynamic starts to change. You are acting like a confident leader, ergo you become the confident leader.
You’d be amazed how many seemingly confident people are actually nervous inside.
Boost Your Confidence in 2 Minutes
Are you about to enter a stressful situation?
Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy has identified a way to increase confidence and alter your hormone profile in such situations. This can be done in just 2 minutes.
The simple exercises help configure your brain to deal with any challenge you might face by re-configuring cortisol (stress hormone), and testosterone levels (+20%) when you’re nervous or insecure.
In Private
Exercise 1:
Find a private and quiet place and really stretch yourself out. Make yourself as big as you can. Stand with your legs spread and hands rising high above your head (if possible for 2 minutes). The result: testosterone levels increase by 20% (scientifically proven), and cortisol levels drop.
Exercise 2:
If you are sitting… lean back with your hands at the back of your head and place your legs on a desk or other high object. The most effective Power Poses are BIG ones, so make sure you stretch your body as much as possible when completing the exercises.
In Public
Tone down your postures when in public. You don’t want to dominate everyone. Professor Cuddy recommends;
- Lifting your chin
- Standing straight and tall
- Resting your hands on the back of a chair
- Using open hand gestures
The Power Posing Habit
Start thinking more about your body and displaying confidence as often as possible. Open up… take up more space. As a result, your hormone levels will re-configure and you will feel more confident.
“Save time, Learn more”
Consider confidence as a muscle that strengthens with regular exercise. Persist in your practice, and you’ll see improvement over time. Step out of your comfort zone and engage in activities that challenge you. Staying in a safety bubble all the time won’t foster growth.
Remember, it’s not just about the content of your words, but the manner in which you deliver them. Be mindful and authentic in your communication. Don’t rush yourself to achieve everything at once. Take things one step at a time to avoid overwhelming yourself.
Visualize an Ideal Version of Yourself
Make it a habit to visualize an ideal version of yourself, one who is achieving your goals. This practice can help boost your self-confidence.
Celebrate your victories, no matter how small they may seem. Rewarding yourself for even the smallest successes can boost your confidence. Helping or teaching someone else can also enhance your self-confidence. You’ll find that as you assist others, your own confidence grows in the process.
Everyone has something they excel at. Identify what you’re confident in, embrace it, and let it fuel your overall self-confidence.