How I Learned to Repair My Relationship After a Devastating Fight

My relationship was nearly destroyed after a blowout argument with my partner. We were both left feeling resentful, hurt, and unwilling to speak to each other. As days of silence turned into weeks, I realized if we didn’t learn how to healthily repair  relationship, we would probably end up separated for good.

If you’ve had a similar seismic fight with your spouse or partner, one that shakes your foundation as a couple, don’t lose hope. Here are the steps we took that allowed us to rebuild, reconnect emotionally, and thrive together long term.

Reflection Time is Critical After a Crisis

In the immediate aftermath, tensions run too high to productively discuss the dispute. You both likely need:

• Space to process your feelings
• A cool down period before reconciliation
• Time to reflect individually on how problems escalated

I cannot stress enough – do not try to ignore the fight or carry on like nothing happened. The injured party will only grow more hurt and closed off if matters aren’t properly addressed.

Similarly, avoid:

• Further arguments initially
• Inflammatory comments/behavior
• Attempts to “get revenge” on your partner

Come Together When Emotions Settle

My partner reached out 10 days after our blowout fight, asking if we could talk in person about what happened. I agreed, with some anxiety. But we intentionally picked a neutral location to chat calmly.

In this meeting we aimed to actively listen, understand each other’s POV, and determine why things got so hostile.

I expected us to argue again immediately. However, going in with patience and open-mindedness allowed real communication for once. (No phones present was also key!)

Take Responsibility for Your Role

Common tendencies after a bad fight include:

• Blaming your partner for everything
• Downplaying your own misbehavior

However, objectively identifying areas you contributed to the dispute is vital for the relationship to heal.

I apologized sincerely for specific issues, including:

• Yelling hurtful comments
• Shutting down emotionally
• Being insensitive about a past grievance

This humility showed I was serious about changing negative patterns going forward.

Find Compromise on Underlying Problems

Old habits that drive disputes, like different money management preferences, won’t vanish overnight. We had to identify core disconnects and agree on incremental solutions.

My partner agreed to include me more on financial decisions. In return I became more flexible about weekend plans with friends they felt were overtaking couple time.

Compromising is key – insisting on 100% your way won’t get you far rebuilding trust.

Forgive Your Partner and Let Go of Bitterness

Asking for forgiveness means little if you clung to anger after. I had to consciously practice forgiveness, not dredging up my partner’s mistakes constantly.

Focus on growth – how can this crisis propel us forward? I didn’t forget being hurt but refuse to ruminate endlessly.

Reconnect Emotionally, Physically and Socially

With open communication continuing, we are planning more romantic date nights, appreciating each other’s efforts aloud, and generally nurturing intimacy in all senses that brought us together originally.

Repairing a relationship after a significant fight takes time and work. But implementing mindful communication, compromise and forgiveness has saved partnerships before – it can save yours too.

Let me know if you have any other advice for reconciling with a partner after explosive arguments! I would love to hear your relationship healing tips in the comments.

How long should you wait to resolve a fight with your girlfriend?

It’s best not to let too much time pass after a serious argument before attempting to resolve the issue with your girlfriend. Let tensions settle for 1-2 days, but prolonged delays can worsen hurt feelings and make conflicts intensify. Ideally, start communicating again within 3-5 days, agreeing to have an open discussion about what happened, share feelings honestly, and collaborate on compromises.

What are things to avoid saying during an argument with your spouse?

Certain phrases and tactics should be avoided when emotions run high fighting with your spouse, as they often escalate disputes rather than resolve them:

• Insults, yelling hurtful things you can’t take back
• Threats about drastic relationship consequences
• Dredging up past issues that fuel resentment
• Submitting to frustrating but unimportant issues by saying “You always win!”

Stay away from character attacks and ultimatums. Use “I feel” statements, ask clarifying questions, and express willingness to find middle ground.

Can couples counseling help repair broken trust after infidelity?

Yes – couples counseling with a licensed marriage therapist specializing in rebuilding intimacy after infidelity can hugely benefit partners hoping to heal and move forward. Having productive conflict resolution guidance from a neutral third party helps both individuals:

• Articulate feelings of hurt, anger, confusion
• Understand root insecurity driving infidelity
• Establish whether the straying partner feels genuine remorse and responsibility
• Regain empathy, forgiveness and commitment to fortify the relationship against future breaches of trust

With time and counseling work, infidelity does not have to mean the end of your relationship if you both share willingness to understand what happened and implement changes. Counselors create space for the heavy emotional lifting reconciliation requires.