How to Rekindle Your Sex Life After Having Kids
Like many couples, after having kids my sex life took a nose dive. Between exhaustion, postpartum body struggles, and an overwhelming schedule – being intimate felt like just another chore instead of the connection it used to be.
But over time, my husband and I have been able to rekindle our physical relationship by:
- Making couple time a priority
- Spicing things up
- And most importantly – resetting unrealistic expectations on intimacy after babies.
If you can relate to feeling disconnected from your partner but want to reignite your sex life again, here are my best tips.
Carve Out Couple Time Sans Kids
Dedicating consistent one-on-one time allows us to emotionally reconnect. Now we:
- Have weekly date nights after kids sleep (sometimes just takeout on the couch!)
- Schedule weekend morning sleep-ins while grandparents entertain our toddler
- Outsource childcare twice a month for cocktail dates
Removing constant mom/dad duty pressures works wonders. We did a couple’s retreat last year and came back feeling years younger!
Get Back in Touch With Each Other’s Bodies
In my postpartum exhaustion, we’d gone months barely hugging or kissing beyond a peck. Reestablishing non-sexual physical affection paved the way to rekindle our sex life.
Sensual touches, massages, showering together – all helped us regain comfort seeing and complimenting each other’s bodies after physical changes.
Keep Things Exciting in the Bedroom
While spontaneity with little kids is tough, prioritizing intimacy is essential. We:
- Schedule sex during nap time/quiet hour weekends
- Alternate initiating so neither feels constantly rejected
- Trade massages with happy endings
- Break out toys like vibrators and lube
And most importantly – we have candid talks on our desires so bedroom fun stays that way.
Reset Expectations Around Postpartum Sex
A huge barrier was expecting our sex life to be identical to pre-kids. After educating ourselves on common postpartum challenges, we lifted pressure.
Now intimacy feels lower stakes – we focus on pleasure rather than performative ideals. Things have gotten frisky in unexpected moments again!
Reigniting physical connection after kids is tough but so rewarding. By giving couple time priority again and resetting unrealistic expectations, my husband and I have a thriving intimate relationship despite chaos.
Making Time for Spontaneity
While planning date nights and our intimacy schedule is helpful, allowing some spontaneity keeps that spark alive too.
Leveraging Built-In Windows of Opportunity
My husband and I quickly learned to seize moments in our hectic parenting schedule when kids weren’t demanding attention. This means:
- Getting frisky during our toddler’s daily nap time
- Sneaking in a passionate morning connection before the kids wake up
- Taking advantage of grandparents who love babysitting so we can disappear from duty for an hour and get intimate
Stealing this alone adult time requires some creativity but almost makes things feel forbidden and hot again!
Balancing Intentional Scheduling Without Over-planning
Relying purely on spontaneity with little kids is unrealistic – but having every romantic encounter meticulously planned kills vibes too.
We make sure to balance calendared date nights where sex is strongly intended with more casual time alone where intimacy may or may not occur based on the mood striking. Keeping each other guessing definitely brings that scintillating uncertainty back!
Building Sexual Tension Throughout the Day
Even on our busiest parenthood days, we sneak in playful touches, steamy gazes across the room, or flirty text messages reminding each other of what’s to come. Having inside jokes and talking about fantasy scenarios keeps our minds in the gutter – in the best way!
All that built up sexual tension makes tearing each other’s clothes off later so much more intense and pleasurable.
How long should you wait to have sex again after giving birth?
It’s normal for new mothers to need to wait at least 4-6 weeks for medical reasons before having sex again. However, every woman heals differently. Have an open dialogue with your doctor about physical readiness as well as mental/emotional readiness before attempting intercourse after delivery. Don’t rush into sex before you are fully prepared just to meet some arbitrary timeline.
What are fun, low-pressure games I can play with my spouse to set the mood?
- “Truth or Dare” by coming up with sexy questions and flirty dares is a great way to relax and tap into adventurousness.
- Roleplaying different meeting scenarios like strangers at a bar can ease you into intimacy without expectations.
- Adult versions of board games, card games, or video games specially designed for couples can lower inhibitions while competing or collaborating.
- Dancing together or giving each other sensual massages with massage dice choosing body parts is engaging foreplay.
The shared laughter, gentle experimentation, and letting loose playing games gets you reacquainted with each other’s playful side.
Are couples counseling retreats effective for helping parents reconnect?
Yes, couples counseling retreats specifically designed for parents can hugely benefit romantic reconnection after kids. Escaping daily stresses to focus wholly on each other with guided support provides:
- Tools to enhance communication and intimacy
- Exercises to articulate needs and reboot sex life
- Solo reflection prompting greater understanding
Add in sensual workshops, tantric education, private campfire conversations and more – and many couples feel years younger after rediscovering their relationship’s passion and potential at in-depth retreats.