A “friends with benefits” (FWB) relationship can seem like the perfect arrangement. You enjoy hooking up with someone you like and trust, without the complications of a serious relationship. But FWB situations come with their own set of pros, cons, and challenges.
If you’re considering a no-strings-attached relationship with a friend, it’s important to think through the implications carefully beforehand. This guide will walk through the key things you need to know to have a positive friends with benefits experience.
Defining Friends with Benefits
A friends with benefits relationship involves two friends who engage in casual sexual activity on a regular or semi-regular basis. Unlike a dating relationship, FWBs don’t involve romance, couples activities, or long-term commitment.
Typical friends with benefits ground rules include:
- No expectations of exclusivity
- Minimal non-sexual contact or activities
- No displays of jealousy
- Option to hookup with others
The central tenet of an FWB situation is satisfying sexual needs and desires between trusted friends, without introducing romantic entanglements.
Pros and Cons of Friends with Benefits
There are several potential advantages that make a friends with benefits arrangement appealing:
Pros
- Your sexual needs are met.
- You enjoy companionship and intimacy.
- There’s freedom and flexibility to see others.
However, FWBs also come with some downsides to consider:
Cons
- Jealousy can happen, even with ground rules.
- The lack of defined boundaries can get messy.
- Hurt feelings may develop over time.
Ultimately, whether you choose to pursue a friends with benefits relationship depends on your personality, values, and what you hope to get out of the arrangement.
Establishing Ground Rules
To give your friends with benefits situation the best chance of success, take time to establish ground rules upfront. Important things to discuss include:
- Will you be exclusive FWBs or can you hookup with others?
- How often will you meet up? Once a week? Twice a month?
- Are overnights okay or is someone leaving afterwards?
- What activities or intimacy are off limits?
- Will you tell people or keep it private?
- How long will the arrangement last before reassessing?
Talking through expectations openly decreases the odds of hurt feelings down the line. Don’t make assumptions about what the other person wants or is okay with.
Making Friends with Benefits Work
With some care and communication, it is possible to maintain a positive FWB situation:
- Have honest conversations if any feelings start to shift.
- Don’t ignore jealousy or red flags – address them.
- Don’t frequently cancel planned meetups. Be reliable.
- Respect each other’s boundaries around activities, affection, etc.
- If one person catches deeper feelings, it’s time to re-evaluate.
The key is caring about the friendship first, and the sexual benefits second. Mutual trust and respect are essential.
Transitioning Back to Just Friends
FWB relationships often have a time limit. When it’s time to transition back to regular friends, be sure to:
- Have an open, direct conversation to align on moving forward as just friends.
- Take space from each other initially if needed.
- Set new boundaries and expectations as non-sexual friends.
If handled with care, communication, and maturity, friends with benefits can be a mostly drama-free experience that meets certain needs during a particular time period in your life. But go into it with eyes wide open to both the upsides and the potential complications.
The Bottom Line
A friends with benefits relationship allows you to enjoy physical intimacy with someone you trust, without the responsibilities of dating. But FWBs come with their own unique set of communication challenges and ground rules. If you can embrace honesty, flexibility, and caring for the friendship first, FWBs can be well worth it. Just enter smartly and thoughtfully.