Confident people weren’t born That Way

They don’t have some super secret genetic advantage that makes them a confident person. Most confident people that I know today were shy, socially anxious, and confused in their teens and early 20s. However, they decided to make a change and build the habits and behaviors of confident individuals. If you aren’t feeling confident right now, these 7 tips can help you “Fake” your way into a state of confidence and feel more relaxed and present in every moment.

Characteristics of a Confident Person:

Self-awareness 

Be honest about your strengths and your weaknesses. Nobody’s perfect and even the most successful people have things they’re not good at. See: gary self awareness – Bing video

Integrity

true confidence comes from living in reality and knowing that you can handle whatever life throws at you. This also means keeping your word, so if you say you’ll do something, you do it. Period. And if you can’t do something, you are honest about it from the start so nobody gets misled.

Decisiveness

Don’t be afraid to make decisions. This is the mark of a leader so you will really set yourself apart from the pack who want to be led everywhere they go, since most people are afraid of making the wrong decision.

Friendly 

Smile when you meet someone & focus on how others are feeling every chance you have. People want to feel comfortable and are probably a lot more anxious than you realize

Acceptance 

this is similar to the previous item but goes deeper. Quit judging yourself – and others. Period. Even if you don’t agree with how someone lives their life, don’t judge them and write them off completely. However…

Assertiveness 

stand up for yourself and your principles when you need to. And stand up for others too if you see something happening that doesn’t align with your principles. See: The Pushover’s Guide to Asserting Yourself

Gratitude 

be grateful for everything in life, even the small stuff… like toilets. Great invention, ‘nuff said.

Sense of humor

being able to laugh, especially at yourself, shows confidence. Listen to stand-up comedy(or whatever makes you laugh) if you’re not feeling ready to laugh at any instant.

Purpose

have something you’re working towards in life. The second we get complacent, we begin to lose our motivation and drive. If you’re not sure what to do, pick a subject that interests you and start reading books or taking courses on that subject. Just start working on something while you make up your mind what your BIG goal will be. 

Tall, open body language(shoulders back, chest out). Watch this: Your body language may shape who you are Lastly the BIGGEST, most important one is GIVING. It’s the true marker of confidence when you can give without any expectation of receiving in return because it shows that you are secure with yourself and don’t need anything. And don’t forget that your attention is something you give.

Some of these are actions, and some of these are more internal characteristics that can be exhibited by doing one thing Approve of yourself

Build yourself up when you do well, no matter what people are saying. Stop seeking approval from others and you will realize the only approval you need is your own

 They Have Strong Body Language and Are Relaxed in their Environment

Confidence is first and foremost, a state of acting.  You don’t have to feel confident to appear confident. Appearing confident starts with your body language. To display confident body language you need to focus on only three things.

Open Posture:

Take up more space, hold your shoulder back, keep your head up high, and throw your arm over the couch. Open up and you will instantly appear more confident

Stillness:

Confident people don’t fidget. They don’t wring their hands or pace nervously. They stand with purpose and control their movements

Slowness:

Confident people don’t rush around anxiously. They move with ease and intention to their destination. Slow down and take a deep breath. You will instantly look more confident. The first and most important aspect to notice is that he stands up straight with his shoulders back.

Body Language Real Life Example

One of my favorite intellectuals, Jordan Peterson, wrote about this in the first chapter of his book 12 Rules for Life, and he explains it very well through the use of lobsters and their natural hierarchies. Those that stood the tallest were the most intimidating and most powerful. It translates to humankind.

Next, look how he is open. His body language is showing everything. He is showing all his vulnerable organs, and daring someone to take a stab. In the animal kingdom, this confidence shows that they have no fear of being defeated/killed, so they can show their vital organs. The opposite would be someone who crosses their arms, or keeps their hands tightly in their pockets, covering themselves.

Take Up Space

Lastly, he takes up space. In combination with being open, he swings his arms and struts, making it look like he takes up an entire room. When one stands, spreading your legs to take up more space shows a sense of dominance (Sorry manspreaders lol). He is only 5’9 but walks around like a damn silverback gorilla. It’s intimidatingly confident.

Attire

Now, look at his attire. He looks fantastic! People who dress nice seem more confident and attractive. This man is walking around in a very expensive suit, with nice sunglasses, and a very nice watch. Do we need to wear expensive clothes to look nice? No. We do not. You can look extremely well dressed for $200–$300 if you do not have any nice clothes.

This may not work for everyone at first, but if you fake confidence through attire and body language for long enough, eventually you will become more confident.

I also highly recommend reading the book What Everybody is Saying. This book is by an Ex FBI agent who goes in-depth on utilizing your and others’ body language to gauge feelings and emotions!

Beyond body language though, a nice smile always gives a sense of confidence as well 🙂

Entire books have been written on confident body language, but these three simple tactics are all that you need to instantly increase your perceived confidence levels and feel better about how you interact with your environment.

2. They Speak Less than They Listen 

Show me a confident person and I will show you someone who speaks with intention. Do you ever see James Bond rambling on about pointless chatter?

Did Don Draper ever engage in idle chit-chat? Do you ever see the confident people that you know jumping into conversations and getting off to the sound of their voice?

Of course not!

Confident people listen to others and then speak. When they speak, they do so slowly, clearly, and with purpose.

When they open their mouths other people listen. Why? Because confident people don’t waste words on unimportant matters. If they are saying something, you can be darn sure it’s important.

So slow down, shut up, listen to others, and speak only when you have something of value to add. This will provide you with an instant confidence boost and an increase in perceived status.

3. They Speak their Truth

Confident people don’t lie. They don’t hold back their opinions. And they don’t mince words. If you want to start acting more confident, then start by speaking your truth.

you want to do something, say it.  Or if someone is pissing you off, call them out on it. If something is bothering you, don’t keep it to yourself. Yes, you need to have tact and approach sensitive issues with caution.

But confident people don’t care about the opinions of others and this is reflected by the fact that they speak their truths whenever and wherever possible.

4. They Act without Permission or Validation

Sheep need to be led. Confident people don’t. If you want to do something, then do it.

If you want to go somewhere, then go. Don’t ask for permission. And don’t wait for other people to jump on board. Live your life and chart your path without asking anyone whether or not you can.

You are your person. So act like it. Make your own decisions and own them. Beg forgiveness if you must. But never ask for permission to do the things you want.

5. They Laugh at Their Mistakes and Shortcomings

Confident people are, ironically, the people who are the most comfortable with their flaws and shortcomings. They are the men and women who can laugh at the parts of themselves that they don’t like.

If someone makes fun of them, they blow it off and turn it into a joke. They are masters of appropriate self-deprecation (meaning that they will never beat themselves up, but if someone else is making fun of them, they know how to roll with the punches).

6. They Make No Apologies for Who They Are or What They Want

Confident people don’t apologize for who they are. If someone else has a problem with their opinions, attitude, or words, they know that this is on the other person, not them. If they are in conversation and someone gets offended by a political, religious, or otherwise divisive opinion that they hold, they do apologize.

It doesn’t matter if other people approve of or agree with you. You are the only one who has to live with yourself and your decisions. So make no apologies for who you are or what you believe.

7. They Treat Others with Respect

Above all, confident people treat others with respect. Even though they refuse to accept crap from other people, they are kind to others and NEVER put other people down to make themselves look good.

They will lift others, compliment their friends, and flatter new acquaintances. They know that the only way to get ahead in life is to help other people and they are masters at shifting the spotlight from themselves to others.

Because, at the end of the day, this is the fastest way to achieve success.

Look at this mad rich bastard! My god. The most confident man in the world! I know I must sound like a broken record. I mean everyone talks about his confidence. It’s just that he does not give a fuck, and you can really tell. Conor McGregor inspires me(Only through his presentation).

Accept imperfection

They have a motto at Facebook that “Done is better than perfect”, and this post is the perfect example. I usually proofread my posts at least once before posting(which is a good idea), and most of them get barely any action. This one has 163 upvotes at the moment and is closing in on 20,000 views. Not amazing, but by far my most popular answer so far.

So, you need to fully accept imperfections – in yourself and others. Nobody is perfect, and nothing is perfect(aside from mathematics). If you are a perfectionist, you need to read this.

Wanna learn more about the truth behind improving confidence?