5 Essential Conversations To Have With Your Kids Before Dying: Life Values, Wisdom & More
As parents, one of our deepest desires is to raise wise, principled children who will carry meaningful values through life long after we’re gone. Conveying perspective through open conversations while we’re still able guides them tremendously .Here are the 5 essential things dying parents should tell your kids before you die with tips for thoughtful dialogue.
I recently faced my own mortality when diagnosed with late-stage cancer. With finite time left, I reflected deeply on the legacy and life prep I wished to impart to my own young adults before passing.
Through trials, our true priorities emerge. These key insights can steer your children’s paths for years ahead. Don’t wait until the very end. Have these important talks now connecting life’s dots for them while you still can.
1. Share Your Core Values That Guide Life
Over years of experiences and self-discovery, we develop a moral compass – an inner wisdom distinguishing right from wrong and lighting the way forward. This set of values steers our daily decisions tracing the arc of our lives.
If shepherding the next generation, convey the 3-5 guiding principles at your core. What matters most? Abstract concepts become concrete through our modeling.
My cardinal values include:
- Living with integrity even when inconvenient
- Lifelong learning and growth
- Contributing to community over self
Discuss examples demonstrating these values in action during pivotal moments. Why did you make certain sacrifices or tough choices? How did you push yourself outside a comfort zone to grow?
Values-affirming anecdotes tie concept to reality. They beg the question…“How can my child apply similar principles looking ahead?”
2. Apologize For Any Regrets or Hurts
With limited time left, we instinctually seek closure. This means reflecting on our mistakes, arguments gone awry or misunderstandings feeling unresolved.
I realized in order to rest peacefully, I needed to speak my apologies to each child before dying. Consider:
- Were there moments you broke trust, lost patience or caused hurt?
- Do past fights, judgments or issues feel unsettled?
- Has emotional baggage piled up over the years straining connection?
Genuinely acknowledging regrets opens space for forgiveness. This reconciliation realigns relationships to what matters most. Like peeling away dead layers of bark, tender green shoots peek through with fresh understanding.
My loving amends freed all of us. I could embrace my children close with nothing obstructing total presence. Our connection felt tangible, complete.
3. Tell Them You Love Them
After listing my peak life events, nearly all featured my children’s smiling faces. Through parenthood, I learned that unconditional love needs declaring often.
Catalog precious memories witnessing your kids essence. When did their curiosity, empathy, talents shine through in technicolor?
- My daughter’s fearlessness wading waist-deep into wild river on a camping trip. Her connection with nature still awes me.
- My son’s victory beaming with pride learning to ride a bike sans training wheels. His determination inspires me years later.
Share these vignettes capturing their soul and why witnessing them brought you such joy and meaning.
What we remember forever are moments heartstrings sounded their loudest. Their reverberations leave lasting warmth. Speak them unfiltered to your children before leaving this earth.
4. Offer Specific Life Guidance
With decades behind us, we can plainly see patterns that elude youth. Your children crave this hard-won wisdom to catalyze their journey ahead.
I wish I grasped certain realities about marriage, money, temptations, child-rearing and chasing empty accolades before hitting midlife myself. I only put the pieces together looking back.
Filter your perspectives down to a few resonant seed lessons across spheres like:
- Relationships
- Career/finances
- Values-based decision making
Then get incredibly targeted matching content to their personality, curiosities and goals. My risk-tolerant son required different advice navigating adulthood than my rule-following daughter. Help them leverage strengths, while developing lesser facets for balance.
If possible, create an ethical will – a way to codify and pass forward your life perspectives beyond the grave.
5. Prepare Them For Your Passing
With terminal illness, I had to courageously discuss my declining health, set expectations for an imminent future without me physically present and handle necessary logistics so my family had support structures in place after the grief.
- Discuss any estate planning – Wills, trusts, guardianship considerations if kids are still minors, etc. Navigating legal elements amid fresh mourning magnifies pain.
- Share funeral service wishes – burial or cremation preferences, obituary guidance, charitable donations in memoriam
- Help them emotionally process losing you – Even adult children need assistance working through trauma of bereavement. Counseling or support groups help tremendously. No one is ready for this reality.
Guide them compassionately yet candidly so remaining affairs are in order. This is your final act of caretaking before the next phase. Handle diligently so their adjustment and healing happen smoothly on already difficult road ahead dealing with your physical absence.
While no perfect script or timing exists for end-of-life conversations, opening dialogues around what matters most now profoundly shapes those left behind. Have courage.
Key Takeaways
- Discuss the guiding values with kids you want carried forward after you’re gone
- Seek forgiveness for past issues to reconcile relationships
- Verbalize why you specifically love and cherish them
- Offer targeted life advice based on personal strengths and growth edges
- Help them pragmatically prepare for grieving and logistical changes in a post-death world.
Though tender talks, we grant comfort and vision moving ahead. Our imprint stays through passing of wisdom batons to new generations ever evolving. Go share what needs said.