12 Things Describe Your Guy, He’s Severely Lacking In Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to understand, manage, and express one’s emotions healthily and productively. It involves skills like self-awareness, empathy, communication, stress management, and adaptability. When someone lacks emotional intelligence, it can severely impact their relationships.

If you’ve noticed some troubling signs that your partner doesn’t handle emotions well, it could indicate low emotional intelligence. Here are 12 key things to look out for:

1. He dismisses your feelings

One major red flag is if your guy frequently dismisses your feelings or makes you feel like you’re being irrational anytime you express emotion. Partners with low emotional intelligence often cannot comprehend why certain things upset you. When you try to communicate hurt feelings or vulnerabilities, they get defensive and make you feel guilty for having needs.

For example, if you try to talk about feeling neglected when your partner spends several weekends in a row with friends, an emotionally tone-deaf response would be “You’re over-reacting. I’m allowed to have fun without you.”

2. Lack of empathy

Empathy, or the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a core component of emotional intelligence. If your partner seems disconnected when you share emotional problems and rarely takes your perspective, it shows poor empathy skills.

You may notice a lack of caring or concern when you have a bad day at work or experience a setback. Your feelings may not impact them much at all.

3. Poor communication skills

Emotionally intelligent people can articulate their feelings and needs effectively to resolve conflicts. Your partner may struggle with communicating if they:

• Avoid or shut down difficult conversations
• Have trouble explaining their emotions
• Stonewall or withdraw during disagreements

Unwillingness to engage in productive talks makes conflict resolution virtually impossible.

4. Makes everything about him

Does your partner relate everything to himself? Does he steer conversations to be about his life rather than asking you questions? Self-centered people cannot often get outside their own experience, making them unfit partners.

Occasional self-focus is normal, but healthy relationships involve reciprocal interest in each other’s worlds. Pay attention if empathy and listening seem one-sided.

5. Immaturity and defensiveness

Difficulty regulating emotions is common with low emotional intelligence. Your partner may demonstrate immaturity by:

• Having outbursts or temper tantrums
• Making mean or sarcastic remarks when angry
• Slamming doors, giving the silent treatment

Blaming you or others for problems rather than self-reflecting is also a sign of emotional immaturity. Defensive reactions protect the ego but damage relationships.

6. Inflexibility

The ability to adapt and show flexibility is imperative for navigating life’s ups and downs. Emotionally rigid partners struggle because they see things in black-and-white terms. Their perspectives leave no room for compromise or understanding gray areas.

For example, a rigid stance on where to spend the holidays – “We ALWAYS spend it with my family” – ignores your need for balance and compromise over time.

7. Dishonesty

Partners who lie often have low emotional intelligence because they use dishonesty to cover up mistakes or avoid consequences. Deceit destroys trust, the bedrock of a strong relationship.

Notice if your partner omits important details, shifts blame or gives questionable explanations about where they’ve been. Do you feel manipulated or like the full truth isn’t being shared? Those are signs of dishonesty motivated by poor emotional skills.

8. Doesn’t take responsibility

We all make mistakes, but emotionally intelligent people admit when they’re wrong and make amends. On the other hand, your partner may shift blame by:

• Making excuses like “I didn’t mean to hurt you”
• Dodging accountability through deflection
• Refusing to acknowledge their role in problems

Non-apologies like “I’m sorry you feel that way” demonstrate a lack of remorse and unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions.

9. Inability to handle stress

Challenges and setbacks are inevitable. Emotionally intelligent individuals cope with stress in healthy ways and can support their partner through crises. Those lacking the skill crumble in the face of difficulties and are unable to be a rock during their trials.

Unmanaged stress reactions like withdrawal, panic, or aggression often surface. Your partner may also unfairly take out their frustrations on you in these moments.

10. Disregard your boundaries

Respecting boundaries demonstrates care for a partner’s feelings and needs. But your guy may trample your boundaries by:

• Dismissing your discomfort with certain behaviors
• Pressuring you to engage in activities you’ve declined
• Pursuing his desires without consideration for your limits

Partners should make each other feel safe, not push dangerous boundaries that leave you feeling pressured and unvalued.

11. Lack of initiative

Emotionally intelligent people demonstrate drive and initiative. They show up fully in relationships instead of passively allowing partners to steer the course. But some may rely on you to manage the relationship:

• Showing little motivation to plan dates or activities
• Going with the flow rather than expressing their desires
• Letting you initiate and make an effort in the relationship

You may feel you’re pulling all the weight. Passivity creates an imbalance over time.

12. Your needs always come last

In any partnership, each person deserves care and compromise. But emotionally oblivious guys prioitize themselves:

• Rarely inconveniencing themselves for your benefit
• Unwilling to compromise because it’s “their way or the highway”
• Assuming their career, hobbies, or social life take precedence

You’re left minimizing your needs which builds resentment.

How to Communicate About It

If you identify with several behaviors on this list, it’s important to communicate your concerns to your partner. Here are some tips for the talk:

• Explain how certain behaviors make you feel using “I” statements – This avoids blaming and helps convey emotions. For example, “I feel unsupported when you don’t comfort me after a bad day.”
• Give specific examples – Vague complaints are easier to dismiss. Provide concrete instances demonstrating your concerns.
• Remain calm – Stick to the facts without getting emotional or aggressive yourself.
• Avoid ultimatums – Threatening to end things may tempt denial. Frame the conversation as an opportunity for growth.
• Suggest counseling – If they’re receptive to change, therapy can teach emotional intelligence skills.

With patience and compassion, some people can improve if they’re willing to work on it. But accept that substantial change is rare without dedication on their part.

Is the Relationship Worth Saving?

If repeated attempts to encourage emotional intelligence are brushed off without effort at real change, you may have to reconsider the relationship. Reflect on whether behaviors are dealbreakers or harm your well-being.

Major red flags include:

• Abusive behavior – Rage, intimidation, or threats of harm signal it’s time to safely exit.
• Entrenched dishonesty – Once severe deception destroys trust, repair may be impossible.
• Unwillingness to grow – Relationships only work if both people commit to personal growth. If your partner outright refuses counseling or demonstrating care, you have your answer.

You deserve someone who will listen and empathize with an open heart, even if that means making the difficult choice to let go. A relationship only thrives when both individuals take responsibility for developing emotional intelligence.

Conclusion

Emotional intelligence is the bedrock of strong, enduring relationships. While someone may be intelligent in other ways, the inability to understand, express, and manage emotions will put a significant strain on couples.

Pay attention to the signs and patterns. Address concerns compassionately but firmly. If you don’t see real effort and improvement over time, recognize you may have incompatible emotional skills.

Everyone deserves a fulfilling relationship with a partner who can provide true emotional understanding and support. Don’t settle for less than you need in a companion. Prioritize your happiness and well-being first.

People Also Ask:

How do you know if your partner lacks emotional intelligence?

Look for signs like lack of empathy, poor communication, inability to handle stress, disregard for your needs, defensiveness, etc. Trust your instincts if something feels off.

Is emotional intelligence something you can improve and develop?

Yes, emotional intelligence skills can be improved through introspection, learning coping techniques, and therapy. But it requires a sincere desire and diligent work to grow.

What are examples of emotional intelligence in relationships?

Emotionally intelligent partners listen attentively, validate each other’s feelings, compromise, have difficult conversations skillfully, manage conflict maturely, accept responsibility, and provide comfort and stability.

How does emotional intelligence affect marriage?

Emotional intelligence has a major impact on marital satisfaction and longevity. Partners must understand each other’s emotions and communicate effectively to bond deeply, resolve conflict, and provide support through life’s ups and downs.